The Illuminati’s chippy order – on sale now!
Ok lids? It’s me Kenny Kicker and guess what? Remember when I was telling yer I followed the Illuminati to the room above Chan’s chippy in Kenny? Well, I was shredding a few incriminating documents I’d printed off the library’s secret MI5/CIA/Mossad coded lappy, ‘How To Spot An Intermediary Sasquatch’ ‘Build Your Own A Bomb’ ‘The Higgs Boson Is A Jewish Plot’ ‘911 was a CGI Pixar movie’ and loads of other stuff I’d come across from my mates over in Texas State Pen in Utah, when I find the chippy order Prince Edward dropped in the jigger.
Thought I’d used it to scribble me naps on, but no, there it was, a genuine illuminati secret document worth millions I reckon if I put it on ebay or if the Israelis wanna buy it off me to spare their blushes. I’m not a greedy man, don’t wanna go the same way as Assange, banged up in Guantanamo on trumped up rape charges like. I’ve done my jug lad, mug’s game.
So if anyone’s interested (I know you’re clocking this in Mossad HQ Dame Stella Artois and Benjamin GoogleYahoo) – here’s the full scran list – the original is hidden somewhere even the Matrix won’t be able to sniff out (under me bed in an arl Adidas box).
Illuminati chippy order – star date 5th May 2012
The Queen – sausage dinner
Prince Philip – chips and curry (mild not spicy)
Jedward – 2 x prawn chop suey one with chips, one fried rice
Henry Kissinger – set meal for four, extra bag of chips, large bottle of diet coke – NO CHAR SUI!!!
Herbert from Herberts – bag of prawn crackers only
Billy Butler – egg foo yung with half n’ half
Sammy Lee – pie dinner (meat and tater) no onions!
Kofi Annan – duck in blackbean sauce
The Pope – special chow mein with extra beansprouts
The bird from Only Connect – salt and pepper chips and three fritters
Moysey – fishcake and onion gravy
Barack and Michelle Obama – hot and sour soup x 2 & bag of crispy bits
Dizzy Rascal – chip barm with loads of vinegar
Joe Anderson (going halves with Henry)
Piers Morgan – singapore vermicelli
Nicola from Girls Aloud – Mixed grill (carton of curry extra)
Boris Johnson – 2 x fish, boiled rice, spare ribs, chop suey roll, sweet n sour sauce sperate
Kate and William – swan omelette with onion gravy
Rupert Murdoch – fuck all (mingebag)
Tony Sage – beef with chilli and garlic with chips
Please ask for receipt and pay with Henry’s Tesco Clubcard
