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Blood Diamond – A Wick Nitchell Royal Jubilee Swine Special

February 6, 2012

There are many political and ethical reasons to oppose hereditary monarchy but to mark Elizabeth Windsor’s 60th anniversary to the succession to the throne, I’m going to ignore valid republican responses to this historical ‘landmark’ and instead show some compassion for Liz as a human being who has been cynically manipulated for her entire life.

This morning on Radio 4 the vicar or bishop of somewhere or other (hey research it yerself lid) portrayed the queen’s ‘reserve’ and ‘hesitance’ as true Christian values that demonstrated her stoic sense of duty to ‘her people.’ The usual platitudes were trotted out about her unifying force and stabilising effect, as if the queen herself has some kind of restraining influence upon the population. As head of the Church of England ofcourse the clergy has to beatify their boss and the fact that an unelected head of state also doubles as pontifex maximus as well as head of the armed forces has been a skillful trick perpetuated since ancient Rome.

All things become invested in the cult of the monarch but these things only serve one purpose and that is to make money. Greed is the glue that holds together the monarchy because hereditary monarchy allows the very stability that necessitates a smooth transition from one compliant figurehead to another. No troublesome claims to the throne, no warring generals after the top job, that thing is bad for business and whatever else the royal family may be, first and foremost they are pimps for the city. It is the economic self-interest of the super-rich that requires royalty to smooth over trade deals and glad hand all manner of scumbags in the dubious cause of ‘the national interest.’

Let’s not forget that the queen was only a girl when she was crowned four months after the death of her father. Those haughty Hanoverians liked to keep things in the family and so arranged marriages as devoid of love and passion as any rural Pakistani nuptuals kept the regal bloodline flowing in a shallow pool of incestuous European nobility. The ruthless suppresion of emotion was central to this concept of royal aloofness and so the queen was brought up like some walled-up Turkish sultan in waiting. Her suppoed ‘reserve’ and ‘hesitancy’ are infact the result of a cruel form of state sponsored child abuse and sadly this model of royal child rearing has been passed down to her own stunted children and grand children.

If the queen had a rocky few months after the death of the Sacred Diana then the shadowy puppet masters pulling the strings soon turned this reverse into a triumph and the Windsor Show was back on the road. The skilful sidestepping of a discredited Charles and his ex-mistress – Charles with his inflated sense of his own worth and 19th century belief in his own aristocratic purpose to enlighten – made the road clear for his eldest son. Each step of this succession strategy has been carefully orchestrated and supported by a sycophantic media, particularly the BBC which is, when all’s said and done, little more than a state propagandist.

William’s recent wedding and his deployment as a helicopter search and rescue pilot (yeah right) was a master stroke of cynicism; the next stage of the ‘modern monarchy’ project. Marrying him off to a ‘common gal’ (common by Hanoverian standards at any rate) and providing him with a career that allows for endless positive PR opportunities may seem clever. Yet, both he and his wife have now signed up to a life that is already being designed around media demands and expectations. ‘When’s the baby due?’

William hasn’t really had any other choices since being abandoned to the WindsorCom leeches by their mum’s brother. What else could he and his brother really do other than accept their fate as plastic soldiers and pilots, not equipped with enough intellect or understanding of the world to do anything else but become performing charity monkeys? Whereas Kate could’ve done anything; become a trolly dolly like her ma or married into wealth of another kind, footballer’s wife or city broker’s hausfrau. Maybe she even could have put that university educated brain to work. Yet she seems only too keen to be consigned to a life of endless, tedious meet and greets with lickspittles and toadies desperate for some of the cheap glamour to rub off on themselves. Her family have allowed their daughter to join this freak show as a way of maximising their own wealth and vulgar fame.

William’s deployment to the Falklands on the 30th anniversary of the outbreak of the war with Argentina is yet another cynical example of how the puppet masters link the royals to imperial wars of colonisation and thus cement the bond between an imagined ‘shared cultural identity’ and the military use of force to secure vital trade routes both new and old. It’s no coincidence that these outposts, the Falklands, Gibraltar, Hong Kong, Cape Town, Bombay facilitated the movement of goods via vital ports in the 19th century when Victoria invented jubilee celebrations and Britannia ruled the ewaves. The recent actions in the middle east and North Africa is exactly the same selfish rush for natural resources that ended in two world wars in the 20th century.

The blood of the innocent stains all these wars whether or not they are camouflaged as noble fights for democracy and human rights. So if, as the vicar put it on Radio 4 excusing Madge’s sullen, monosyllabic personality, ‘some truths are too deep for easy words’ then what are we to make of William’s stiff peck on the cheek for his new wife on the balcony of Buck House? Was it another example of good old regal reticence or a sad spectacle of repressed emotion passing down to another generation of cruelly exploited human beings denied the right to a normal life?

So, here’s to 60 years of her majesty! Told you I wouldn’t get political.

Wick Nitchell

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