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Wankers – Clash Of The Tyrants

February 7, 2011

In order to raise money to fund obesity clinics in the age of austerity, Wankers Crisps have teamed up with four leading dictators in a meaningless popularity contest aimed at raising dividends for its shareholders. Each of the torturing tyrants has had their own flavour hilariously named after them and it’s up to you the moronic, easily pleased Great British Public to put yet more dough into the arse pockets of bankers, city whizz kids, casino capitalists and other assorted parasites……er, sorry raise much needed money for a worthy cause, weaning fat schoolies off lard encrusted spuds.

Flavour 1 – Pol Pot Noodle

Spicey oriental fusion of garlic, ginger and intellectuals’ skulls. Khmer have a go if you’re think you’re hard enough!

Flavour 2 –  Great Big Hug In A Robert Mug-abe

Black Power! Made from the ground down entrails of imperialist white farmers, these pocket sized corn puffs will blow your socks and your feet off!

Flavour 3 – Lean, Mean Mussolini Machine

Low fat, rosemary scented pasta shaped deep fried polenta flakes that promise much but deliver very little.

Flavour 4 – Hot n’ sour Hosni Mubarakburger

Ever wondered what ever happened to all those ‘renditioned’ 911 suspects? They were skinned alive and turned into camel feed by Obama’s second favourite Arab monster. These mini-kebab delicasies follow the same recipe.

Leading BBC sports whore Gary Hypocrite launched the latest fast food sponsorship crusade by stating how important it was to get kids hooked on high fat, low nutrient snacks to help cut the fiscal deficit and reduce demand for evil fresh vegetables and fruit which he blamed for turning an entire generation into overweight low achievers who will never win the world cup or the olympics and stuff. All the featured tyrants agreed to waive their usual backhander and donated their time and image rights to the campaign free of charge.

Wankers Crisps next stunt : Cerial Killer Range

Peter Sutcliffe Salt n’ Vinegar

Fred West Cheddar Cheese

Raoul Moat Roast Chicken

Tony Blair Smokey Bacon


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