Swine TV – what you missed
Peter Sutcliffe; the next chapter (ITV7+3)
Once part of Britain’s most talked about couple, Peter has now split from his former love, Sonia and spends his days avoiding cups of scalding coffee being lashed at him and trimming his greying beard whilst playing Hungry Hippos with Ian Brady. We follow Pete as he faces up to a life alone with crazed sex killers and psychotic murderers whilst Sonia writes yet another ghost written book about her experiences.
I’m A Former Member Of A Third Rate Baggy Band Get Me Out Of Here (ITVZero)
Following in the footsteps of Bez’z Celebrity Big Brother and Shaun Ryder’s Jungle exploits, Dermo from Northside, Rikki Turner from the Paris Angels, Keith Mullin from The Farm, Barry Mooncult from Flowered Up and all the Bridewell Taxis are marooned on Hilbre Island in the Dee estuary armed with only a Stanley knife, a pound of economy mince and an old Hillman Imp car battery for five hours while the tide goes out. Will they make it to the next tide before resorting to baggy cannibalism?
The Journey (BBCsmarmPlus)
Steve Brydon and Rob Coogan play themselves as a pair of self-indulgent luvvy bores as they travel up their own arses in a top of the Range Rover with stunning views of their colons from acclaimed post-ironic deconstructivist director, Michael WinnerBummer.
William Luvs Kate – A Thirteenth century Love Story (all channels every day for ever)
Just what the doctor ordered; a fairytale toff marriage to bring the nation together as millions are forced out of their motorbility scooters and onto community chain gangs. Let’s hear it for the balding horse faced in bred plazzy squaddy and his ‘commoner’ millionairess fiancé as they remind us all how grateful we are not be bled dry by evil dictators like Robert Mugabe.